Dienstag, 7. März 2017



by Constantin von Hoffmeister

One morning Gregor Samsa woke up and smelled shit. Apparently, his neighbor had run out of coffee the day before and substituted his own shit for coffee beans. The smell of shit was pervasive and would not go away. Gregor Samsa opened all the windows in his tiny apartment on B Street in New York's Lower East Side. The smell of shit just would not go away. After eating bacon and eggs, Gregor Samsa's stomach rumbled. He went to the toilet to take a shit. He lowered a big brown sausage into the toilet bowl. Now the smell of his neighbor's shit mingled with the smell of his own shit. The union was pure perfection!

The dog stopped in front of a bone in the desert. It glowed like a baboon's ass in Las Vegas at midnight. The bone glowed red. The dog tried to put the bone in its mouth, but the bone resisted and said, "You must not put me into your filthy mouth, you vile and furry creature! I am the lord of this desert, and a wizard from the Loompa tribe has turned me into a bone. I will revert back to my original self the next time a naked child touches my smooth surface." The dog barked three times and put the bone in its mouth, chewing on it heartily.

The house was deserted when the SWAT team entered. The drug dealer had escaped through the back door. There was no cocaine on the table in the living room, only sheep's vomit. It was a clear indication that the shepherd had been there! The SWAT team looked around but could find no trace of the shepherd. Only used condoms and a wool sweater scattered on the bedroom floor, the ruffled sheets giving off the scent of anal action. Clearly the shepherd had made love to the drug dealer before trying to trade wool products for powder products.

The little boy woke up alone in the basement, covered in sweat and huge drops of sperm. Godzilla must have come all over him in his sleep! But how did he end up in the basement? Did the man in the white vest carry him down? He simply could not remember. There were candy wrappers all over the place. It must have been a veritable orgy of sugar and shivers! Did his mother not hear him cry?

It is distasteful a world black and white. Heroes and villains steal and loot. Sad sacrifice of historical events.

Protection they want to see is brown.

I walk in circles. Circles walk inside me.

I went swimming off the coast of northern California. I was not far away from the beach when I saw a fin approach. The moon was low, and the stars were bright. An oil tanker in the distance, hailing from the Ukraine, was leaking quietly into the sea. The fin was coming closer. I swam back towards the beach. The rollercoaster on the boardwalk was floodlit, and I could hear people screaming in the loop.

1 Kommentar:

  1. Curious essay.
    Scary to imagine what happend in your soul, when you wrote that, Constantin.
    AR1a sky